I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
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He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
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Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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