At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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