Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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