dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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