if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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