Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
How does one acquire holy water?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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