I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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