went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
