its not stalking. its research.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
