Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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