i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
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I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
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You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
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