i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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