My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
