Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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