I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize