Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
organizing the empties. That sober.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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