My Higher Power is John Stamos
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
