he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
