he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
