if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
