one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
They took my balls.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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