So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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