my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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