i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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