there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
