It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
