I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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