# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize