So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
