i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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