My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
