My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize
