you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize