You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize