FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize