matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
only if we run a train.
done.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize