ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize