We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I'm at about main and main street
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut