Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.