if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
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I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
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I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.