So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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