i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
