So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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