I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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