Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
