Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
