I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
