Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
vagina is talking i cant
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
