Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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