How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
The air taste purple.
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