you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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