Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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