the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
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Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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