even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
