So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
