quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I think I sprained my soul last night
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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