A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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