She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
