You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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