I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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