but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
