As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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