My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
