its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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